I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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