He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
