at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
