Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
