so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
