i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
