She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
