Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
