the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
