Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
