as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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