things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
