you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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