I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
