Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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