Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
