Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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