If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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