I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You took a bar mat shot.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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