I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
