You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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