Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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