The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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