I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
