He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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