my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
