I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
