She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
