Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize