My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
