Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
