If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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