Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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