John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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