who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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