All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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