first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
