i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
