remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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