Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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