hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
