Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
