Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
