he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
