its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
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