he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
