I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
