My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
