Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
