i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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