maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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