Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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