if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
