did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Couch. On fire.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
