I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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