You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it hurts more in the daytime
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
