I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
