this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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