Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
