She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
