i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
