I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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