mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
