you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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