Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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