Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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