So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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