it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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