she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
