1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
