OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
