I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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