Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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