How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
