You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
