I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
