turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
