You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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