This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
