Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
