Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
