I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
